by Megan Marks
Coming out as queer in high school was one of the most daunting things I have ever done. In a tight-knit community, coming out was (and still is) incredibly rare. When the news spread, I faced substantial backlash and isolation. This exacerbated my existing mental health issues. As an adolescent, I spent a lot of time consuming music, and even more – making music. Music became the medium through which I expressed myself and processed all my emotions. It became a part of my identity. I became deeply aware of the impact that music had on me and everyone around me. Looking back after studying music and music therapy, I can see how big a role music played in shaping me as a person. Coming out in school is something that has stayed at the forefront of my awareness since matriculating, so when deciding on a research topic, I thought about other queer people in the same school and wondered how, or if, things had changed.
I met with the social worker at my old high school to discuss conducting my research there. She told me about all the LGBTQ+-inclusive innovations that the school had introduced, such as a gender-neutral bathroom and a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA). She mentioned how many more students were now coming out and expressing themselves freely. At first, I was surprised by how much things had changed, but I was hesitant to believe this. My intuition was hinting at a different story.
I began investigating LGBTQ+ culture in South Africa more broadly. South Africa is the only country in Africa with constitutional protections for LGBTQ+ rights. Despite constitutional legal protection, LGBTQ+ South Africans face ongoing discrimination and mistreatment (Naidoo et al., 2023). This population also experiences significant barriers to healthcare due to homophobia/transphobia, discrimination, moral judgement, and lack of knowledge about LGBTQ+ identities (Mkhize & Maharaj, 2020; Muller, 2017). Much of this comes down to a need for inclusive curriculums in South African schools. Several studies call for inclusive sex education that acknowledges sexual and gender diversity, challenges cultural stereotypes, and collaborates with LGBTQ+ organisations (Francis, 2018; 2019; Francis & Kuhl, 2020).
South Africa is the only country in Africa with constitutional protections for LGBTQ+ rights
I found one paper particularly interesting by Bain et al. (2016) entitled Toward a queer music therapy: The implications of queer theory for radically inclusive practice. This was the first time I had read the term “queer music therapy” (QMT). The article explored the growing interest in music therapy for the LGBTQ+ community, highlighting the challenges of creating a new framework for LGBTQ+ issues compared to incorporating these issues into existing frameworks. The authors acknowledge the unique needs of the LGBTQ+ population. The theoretical foundation for QMT, particularly for adolescents, combines the use of music for identity construction with the principles of anti-oppressive music therapy (Baines, 2013; 2021), aiming to address identity development challenges and psychological disorders resulting from marginalisation and discrimination. Key goals of the QMT model include validating social identities, ensuring safe spaces, supporting gender identity and expression, enhancing self-esteem, eradicating heteronormativity and cisgenderism, and empowering clients.
I designed an eight-session music therapy process based on the QMT model which included critical lyric analysis, music-centred art processes, musical autobiography, and group anthem writing. The study included two participants: Daniel (he/him), a 15-year-old who identified as transgender and gay, and Nathan (she/her), a 16-year-old female who identified as sexually diverse, preferring not to use labels. The participants and I had several things in common. We attended the same high school, belonged to the same religious community, experienced mental health challenges in adolescence, preferred a lot of the same music, had similar senses of humour, and were fairly close in age. This meant I often felt like a peer more than a therapist. This was something I needed to remain aware of as well as my duty to maintain necessary boundaries. I did this by taking a small step back in sessions while remaining fully present, and actively thinking about my responses and how they would be perceived. This felt like walking a thin tightrope. Initially, I would have liked to be more objective in my role as the therapist, but further reflection on the commonalities shared with the participants and the potential insight I could offer them allowed me to embrace the moments on either side of the tightrope, and that being aware of this balance was already significant.
Six broad themes emerged through reflexive thematic analysis of the music therapy sessions and semi-structured interviews. These were: identity, challenges, religion, family, support and acceptance, and music therapy.
Identity
The participants deeply explored queer identity, and this became a central theme in the music therapy process. We explored their experiences of coming out and dealing with societal reactions. Both participants found a sense of belonging in the LGBTQ+ community despite societal prejudices, appreciating the support and understanding from within the community. In other contexts, Daniel and Nathan expressed feelings of isolation and low self-esteem, dealing with societal pressures and stereotypes.
Daniel: A lot of backlash. Like, oh my goodness, a non-boy, a transgender boy in the boy’s bathroom. Go away. Which just kind of happened. I was kicked out of the boy’s bathroom, which I expected. So I went to the teacher’s bathroom and then [sister], my sister, fought like hell to get the gender-neutral bathrooms in. (Session 1)
Challenges and Difficult Spaces
One of the most challenging environments to be in for both Daniel and Nathan was the school environment due to academic pressures, social dynamics, and homophobia/transphobia. Despite the school policies intending to support LGBTQ+ students, Daniel and Nathan both experienced backlash and discrimination at school. Incidents of vandalism and breaches of confidentiality by staff members added to queer students’ distress. Both participants experienced mental health issues including depression, anxiety, and ADHD which further complicated their experiences.
Daniel: [This school]’s the kind of school where you either thrive or drown. Yeah. There is no in-between. (Session 1)
The Influence of Religion
Navigating queer identities within a religious school environment was complex. Their exploration of religion revealed misconceptions and ambiguity, with interpretations of religious texts often reflecting homophobia. Both Daniel and Nathan felt rejected and pressured to conform, causing Daniel to leave his community in favour of finding acceptance as a transgender person. Because of this religious trauma, they advocated for awareness of these issues within these communities.
Daniel: Just, religion, shut the fuck up, please. For five seconds. (Session 2)
Family Interactions
Daniel and Nathan initially anticipated their families’ acceptance of their queer identities before coming out. Daniel’s family had prior awareness of his queer identity and were supportive, particularly his mother. Conversely, Nathan felt isolated and initially did not confide in her parents about her confusion regarding her queer identity. Both families ultimately proved accepting when they came out, although certain family relationships remained challenging for both.
Nathan: I mean, ‘cause my mom’s taught me, you know, not terrible morals, but just morals that have, like, closed me up as a person rather than being open. (Session 2)
Support and Acceptance
Daniel and Nathan found crucial support networks inside and outside the music therapy space. Daniel attended a transgender support group, while Nathan found acceptance with her group of friends, certain school staff, and family members. Both participants emphasised the significance of supportive spaces (including social media) where individuals can share experiences, experience belonging, and feel understood. Even within supportive environments, Daniel and Nathan still experienced bullying, discrimination, and internalised homophobia within institutions.
Nathan: I was called weird by a doctor cause of my sexuality. That sucks. By a fucking doctor. And he was like, “Oh, do your parents know?” And I was like, yeah, they fucking know. They knew before you, okay? You’re not part of this conversation. (Nathan’s interview)
Yield of Music Therapy
For both participants, QMT facilitated a meaningful exploration of identity through music. They selected songs that resonated with their experiences, delved into lyrics, and discussed relevant LGBTQ+ themes. This allowed them to critically examine societal norms and express their identities creatively by adapting song lyrics. Collaboratively writing a song about the queer experience fostered community and empowerment, affirming their gender expressions and challenging heteronormative language:
Song lyrics:
Stolen glances in the halls
Spending time alone ‘cos I can’t be seen with you
Checking my phone for any missed calls
Too scared to let the truth be known
I wanna hold your hand without being stared at
I wanna hold you in my arms without being judged
I’m not like one of you, but that’s okay
That’s not who I am
Everyone is someone but never themselves
It’s okay not to be okay
Stolen glances turn to holding hands
Spending time with you because I want the world to see us
Don’t need to check my phone ‘cos I’m here with you now
I don’t care, gonna shout for all to hear
I’m gonna scream “_______ (name/pronoun) is my love” for all to hear
I’m gonna hold your hand even if they stare
I’m gonna hold you in my arms even if I’m judged
I’m not like one of you, but that’s okay
That’s not who I am
Everyone is someone but never themselves
It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
Overall, QMT provided a safe, empowering space for Daniel and Nathan to navigate their identities and celebrate their authentic selves through creative expression and dialogue.
Nathan: I really, I loved it and it just, it made me think about everything truly. Like it literally just gave me a space where I could just think about my sexuality and who I am as a person. Cause, I mean, also at mine and Daniel’s age, we do, like, struggle with our identity. (Nathan’s interview)
Breaking New Ground
My case study was pioneering both nationally and globally as it was the first of its kind to be conducted. Each session comprised a verbal check-in, a QMT technique, and a reflection. The techniques utilised assisted the participants in making sense of chapters in their lives and shifting certain perspectives. Daniel and Nathan engaged with their preferred music in ways that allowed them to express themselves while still maintaining a sense of familiarity. Because of how adolescents use music, providing a space to explore different kinds of music and analyse song lyrics and related themes was powerful. Within these moments, the participants had the opportunity to challenge and critique the heteronormative views and gender binaries they face in their lives. Through songwriting, their voices were amplified and control over the song’s narrative lay with them. Using other art media (such as drawing and clay) gave them opportunities to explore their identities from different perspectives, and to make sense of the facets of their identities.
Conclusion
The QMT model and its proposed goals rang true throughout this process. The space allowed for self-expression, exploration, and performance of queer identity. Intentional use of appropriate terminology, such as preferred pronouns, was crucial throughout the process. I believe the most significant aspect of the process was offering a safe space in which the participants explored and reflected on the real and complex aspects of being queer.
1 Critical lyric analysis, music-centred art processes, musical autobiography, and group anthem writing.
MEGAN MARKS
Megan is an HPCSA-registered Music Therapist based in Johannesburg. She obtained her Bachelor of Music in jazz voice at the University of Pretoria and went on to complete her Master’s in Music Therapy, also at the University of Pretoria.
REFERENCES
Bain, C. L., Grzanka, P. R., & Crowe, B. J. 2016. Toward a queer music therapy: The implications of queer theory for radically inclusive practice. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 50, 22-33.
Baines, S. 2013. Music therapy as an anti-oppressive practice. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 40(1), 1-5.
Baines, S. 2021. Anti-oppressive music therapy: Updates and future considerations. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 65, 101828.
Francis, D. 2018. “Keeping it straight”: What do South African queer youth say they need from sexuality education? Journal of Youth Studies, 22(6), 772-790.
Francis, D. 2019. “Oh my word; for us African gays it’s another story.”: Revealing the intersections between race, same sex sexuality and schooling in South Africa. Race Ethnicity and Education, 24(1), 1-17.
Francis, D., & Kuhl, K. 2020. Imagining a curriculum beyond compulsory heterosexuality in South African education. Journal of LGBT Youth, 19(4), 469-488.
Mkhize, S. P., & Maharaj, P. 2020. Meeting the sexual health needs of LGBT youth: Perceptions and experiences of university students in KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. Journal of Social Service Research, 47(1), 56-72.
Müller, A. 2017. Scrambling for access: Availability, accessibility, acceptability and quality of healthcare for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in South Africa. BMC International Health and Human Rights, 17(1), 1-10.
Naidoo, D., Mkhize, N., & Leclerc-Madlala, S. 2023. Persistent police discrimination in South Africa: Experiences of the LGBT community. Gender & Behaviour, 21(2).